There is a lie that has spread like poison through this country in recent decades: “You don’t need a father.” This lie shows up in our music, our politics, our policies, and sometimes even in our churches. The lie pretends to be compassionate, inclusive and modern by not passing judgment. But if you walk the streets like I do, if you sit with the children I sit with, you will see the wreckage this lie leaves behind.
When we lose fathers, we lose the nuclear family structure. When we lose fathers, we lose the protection the family and neighborhood need. When we lose fathers, we lose morale, guidance and discipline. When we lose fathers, we leave gaping holes in children that they will struggle to fill. When we lose fathers, we lose a generation.
Most people think that when we talk about fatherlessness, we are talking about Black America. Yes, our community carries a heavy burden here, and that is tragic. In 2023, 49% of black children lived with one parent and 47.5% lived without a father. The figures are worse in poorer demographic groups. But if we stop here, we ignore the bigger picture.
Today, almost 1 in 4 children in this country live without a father at home. This figure surprises me. Why isn’t this a national crisis?
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About 20% of white children live with one parent, and about a third of Hispanic children live in single-parent homes. The share of white youth in two-parent families has fallen from more than 82% in 1980 to about 76% today, and for Hispanic youth from about 75% to 67%. The trend is going in the wrong direction for everyone.
The lie undermines us all.
The impact of fatherlessness is real. The vast majority of criminals in our prisons grew up without fathers. Research using national surveys, such as analyzes from the Institute for Family Studies, shows that children in married, two-parent families are much less likely to be victims of or witness violence in their neighborhoods. For every thousand children living with both married parents, about 36 experience neighborhood violence; among children living with unmarried mothers, that number rises to 102. That is almost three times the exposure to violence.
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In cities and neighborhoods where single parenthood is the norm, crime does not simply increase. It explodes. A recent national analysis from the Institute for Family Studies found that cities with a high percentage of single parents have 48% higher overall crime rates, 118% higher violent crime rates, and 255% higher homicide rates than cities where two-parent families are the norm. In Chicago, census tracts with many single-parent households see 226% more violent crimes and more than 400% more homicides than areas where most households consist of two-parent families.
You can’t look at numbers like that and say fathers don’t matter. This lie has a price, and that price is often lives.
One remedy for all this that I have consistently advocated is marriage. I want to officiate more weddings than funerals. Marriage is the answer to fatherlessness, and this truth couldn’t be clearer.
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Children born into married households are much less likely to be poor. In 2021, the federal government reported that 6.8% of children in married households lived in poverty. In female-headed households without a male spouse, that number was 37.1%.
Marriage still matters even when it comes to different levels of education. A single mother with a high school diploma faces a poverty rate of almost 39%, while a married couple with the same level of education faces a poverty rate of less than 9%.
Perhaps the most damning statistic is that if we return to 1980 levels of married parenthood, child poverty would be about 17% lower and median household income would be about 10% higher. Stronger marriages don’t just help individuals; they lift up entire communities.
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Meanwhile, we run around like chickens with our heads cut off, screaming that white supremacy is the biggest driver of inequality in our country. Getting married and staying married would mean much more than most, if not all, policies aimed at reducing disparities.
But for me, this is the most important thing I know from personal experience: marriage stabilizes men. It gives them a higher value than self-worship or the glamor of gang life.
I’ve seen marriage take men away from crime. When a man stands before God at that altar and commits himself to a wife and children, he swears by a higher way of life that is greater than any wretched gang can offer.
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Despite all these facts and simple common sense, there are professors, activists and experts who cling to the lie that fathers don’t matter. They say ‘love is love’ and that as long as someone cares, the structure of the family doesn’t matter. They warn us about masculinity as if it were the devil that needs to be killed.
I’ve even heard some of them say that advocating for fatherhood is like blaming single mothers instead of recognizing their sacrifices. I can’t tell you how many single mothers I know who would love to welcome a good man into their lives.
The lie that fathers don’t matter has been one of the most destructive forces in our society, and we must break that lie.
Fathers are important. Fathers are not disposable.
Being a father is one of the highest callings a person can have on this earth. Being a father means that you are responsible for the lives you bring into this world. You created life, and it is your duty to transform that life into a spirit capable of character, courage, and true freedom.
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The shame is that we have allowed ideological forces to weaken this sacred bond and call it progress.
The first step back is simple: tell the truth. Fathers are important, and our children cannot thrive without them.
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