Second lady Usha Vance’s announcement of baby number four was wonderful and refreshing news. Having four children in the US is not the norm these days. Across the US, women are having fewer or no children at all. As a parent, I hope Vance’s news will encourage more women to do the same.
A woman’s decision to have children is often seen as a personal lifestyle choice. However, this decision also has consequences for the nation: without enough births to maintain its population, a country struggles to maintain its economy, communities, and culture.
We don’t have to look far to see where this leads. The Free Press recently reported that Britain is facing a full-blown demographic crisis. The number of deaths will now exceed the number of births. Many well-educated, affluent and financially stable women say their decision not to have children is a conscious one. A woman in The Free Press story noted, “It’s not that I don’t have reasons. It’s that I have too many. If you take down one, I’d just give you ten more.”
The United States is experiencing a sustained decline in the birth rate, which has persisted for more than a decade and now places the rate well below replacement level. This trend reflects the challenges seen elsewhere.
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Usha Vance is pregnant with her fourth child, but many American women won’t learn from her example. (Getty Images)
The reasons women give for avoiding motherhood are real: children and child care are expensive; Many careers require total availability during a woman’s early years of fertility. Often the culture views motherhood as a professional obligation rather than a benefit to society.
But there’s another factor that few are willing to say out loud: one that affects women long before they ever consider having children. Increasingly, women are not delaying motherhood because they don’t want a family: they have difficulty finding men willing to build one.
Modern dating is broken, and pornography has played a devastating role. Millions of men now habitually consume pornography. Barna Group data from 2024 shows that 78% of American men (ages 13-65) consume pornography “to some extent.” But this is not harmless entertainment. Many studies have shown that heavy pornography consumption distorts expectations, impairs emotional intimacy, reduces motivation, and undermines real-world relationships.
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Pornography can cause men to have a distorted view of sex and women. A culture that normalizes constant sexual consumption trains men to expect gratification without sacrifice. Pornography promises connection, but delivers isolation.
A lonely society, cut off from marriage, family and true intimacy, does not reproduce itself. A culture that inundates men with pornography should not be surprised if fewer and fewer of them take on the roles of husband and father. When men are trained to consume instead of commit, women ultimately pay the price, but so does society as a whole.
Marriage does not collapse because women suddenly lose interest in the family. It collapses when men stop pursuing commitment. A growing number of men lead isolated lives, often alone, often online. Men are also told the lie that they need to save a huge amount of money before they can commit to marriage and children.
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Women don’t often turn down motherhood out of selfishness or ambition. They respond rationally to a dating culture in which emotional maturity, loyalty and long-term responsibility are becoming increasingly rare.
America needs strong men who are willing to reject pornography and focus on leaving a legacy by building families. At the same time, women must resist the message that motherhood should be postponed until everything is “perfect.” That day will never come. And the reality is that fertility doesn’t wait.
Often the culture views motherhood as a professional obligation rather than a benefit to society.
Yes, economics is important. But economics alone cannot explain what is happening. Even countries with generous family benefits, paid leave and subsidized childcare remain well below replacement fertility rates. When marriage weakens and its meaning erodes, no amount of government spending can convince people to start a family.
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Career success matters – education matters. But neither was ever intended to replace family, meaning, or legacy. A culture that treats children as optional accessories eventually runs out of people. That decline is reflected in labor shortages, strained rights systems and a shrinking pool of future healthcare providers, employees and citizens.
What is missing is a shared belief that marriage, motherhood, and fatherhood are still good and worth protecting.
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Second lady Usha Vance looks back at US Vice President JD Vance carrying their daughter Mirabel in her arms as they disembark from Air Force Two upon arrival at Rome Ciampino Airport, April 18, 2025. (KENNY HOLSTON/POOL/AFP via Getty Images)
Every generation before us faced uncertainty, whether it was in the form of war, depression, or unrest, and yet chose to have families. They believed the future was worth the investment. A society that stops believing stops having children.
America now stands at a crossroads: We can rebuild a culture that honors marriage, supports motherhood, and calls men to responsibility, or we can control decline and pretend it’s progress. Children are not the problem: they are the point. Second Lady Vance models that well.
