Empathy has been under fire lately.
The all-important ability to see the world through someone else’s eyes is now recast as something corrosive.
The argument goes like this: When you are empathetic, you are manipulated into accepting all kinds of ideas, behaviors, or policies that you would otherwise reject. In this view, empathy is a Trojan horse for weakness.
But that is a dangerous distortion.
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True empathy is not agreement. And it is certainly not surrender.
It is the refusal to reduce another to a caricature. It recognizes that the people we disagree with have reasons for their choices. And people are intrinsically valuable, even when we are on opposite sides.
Rather than weakening belief, empathy strengthens it by anchoring our faith in humanity, not hate.
A story from World War II illustrates this. It reminds us that even in our darkest moments, empathy must prevail.
On December 20, 1943, two bitter enemies met in the frenzied skies over war-torn Europe in what remains one of the most remarkable encounters of World War II.
An American B-17 bomber, piloted by 21-year-old West Virginian Charles Brown, was torn apart by enemy fire. Bullets had torn through the hull. Several crew members were bleeding. The plane was barely holding on, but was still in the air.
Close by flew the enemy: Franz Stigler, 28, an experienced German fighter. His job was simple: blow the Americans out of the sky.
Stigler had every reason to pull the trigger.
Pilot Charles Brown was reunited with German pilot Franz Stigler on September 20, 1997. (Courtesy of Adam Makos)
In the quest to kill or be killed to achieve air superiority, the German’s chances of survival were far worse than those of the Americans. Of the 40,000 German fighter pilots in World War II, only 2,000 lived to the end of the war.
For Stigler, every murder was important.
But when Stigler flew next to Brown’s limping bomber, something extraordinary happened, according to historian Adam Makos, who chronicled the incredible encounter in his book “A Higher Call.”
Stigler did not point his machine guns at the Americans.
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Instead, Stigler risked his own reputation, career, and even life by flying miles near the bomber’s wingtip, protecting the damaged enemy aircraft from other fighters.
Instead of killing his enemy, the German fighter pilot escorted the sputtering American bomber to safety.
Even more remarkable, Stigler was one bomber away from being awarded the Knight’s Cross, Germany’s highest award for bravery. He gave that up by sparing Brown.
For decades, the US 8th Air Force classified the incident as top secret. The German army also sealed the record. Stigler was ordered never to speak about the act again, because he risked appearing before a firing squad.
German fighter pilot Franz Stigler, 28, showed his humanity by sparing an American bomber. (Courtesy of Adam Makos)
Some explain the incident as chivalry, a remnant of an older code of honor. Others dismiss it as an anomaly, a glitch in the war machinery.
But for me it was something deeper.
True empathy.
Stigler remembered his humanity. He chose to see his enemies not as targets, but as people.
And that choice resonates today.
We live in a culture that rewards outrage. We are told that empathy is naive and that understanding someone else’s pain means giving up our beliefs.
But Stigler’s decision shows something different. Empathy is the courage to rise above a tribal reflex and act on a higher calling.
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Empathy is power.
Stigler risked his own reputation, career and even life by flying miles near the bomber’s wingtip to protect the damaged enemy aircraft from other fighters.
When we are in the presence of people we dislike or disagree with, even those we consider enemies, we face the same choice Stigler faced.
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Do we reduce them to caricatures, or do we remember their humanity?
In an age where division is the currency, empathy is essential.
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