The Democratic Party is a very old and venerable institution, and as such it has a lot of rules, a lot of buffers, and yes, this thing of theirs has centers of power. You could even call them families.
Now these families, so to speak, are not at war with each other, at least not most of the time, but they do have their own interests and priorities, and sometimes conflicts arise. To truly understand the party, and where it’s going, you need to understand the five families that run it.
From left: Nancy Pelosi, Tim Walz, Chuck Schumer, Barack Obama and Jim Clyburn. (Getty Images)
So let’s take a look one by one. Which teams are emerging? Which ones are in chaos? And what will it mean for the party if it tries to take over Congress and the White House and put every agency in the country in its back pocket?
San Francisco Boss: Nancy Pelosi. Capos: Kamala Harris, Gavin Newsom
In recent years, Nancy “The Gavel” Pelosi has positioned the San Francisco family, once an outlying suburb, as the most powerful of the five. Not only has Pelosi blasted the second-term ambitions of the party’s longtime boss, Joey “Naps” Biden, but she has also picked Frisco’s own Kamala “Cackles” Harris to replace him.
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Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi built the California wing of the Democratic Party into a powerhouse. (Photo by Kevin Dietsch/Getty Images)
Old Lady Pelosi may no longer be Speaker of the House of Representatives, but who are we leading in the party today as leader of the presidential primaries? Well, none other than Gavin “The Peacock” Newsom, another treat from San Francisco, and a testament to the family’s outsized power. Although the family has traditionally been the most left-wing of the party, that title is facing a challenge from the northern family.
Minneapolis Boss: Tim WalzCapos: Ilhan Omar, Jacon Frey, Keith Ellison
The Minneapolis family, led by Tim “Whitey” Walz – an extremely high earner as we discover every day – is one that surpasses San Francisco’s legendary leftism. Ilhan “The Inlaw” Omar is the best example. Her political vision is one of reparations, in which through legislation, or sometimes, simply bribery, money flows from native Americans to immigrant groups such as the Somali community in Minnesota that do not want to assimilate.
Representative Ilhan Omar was quick to celebrate Governor Walz’s VP selection
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The key to the functioning of the Minneapolis family is Mayor Jacob ‘The Kneeler’ Frey, even though he was almost ousted in the recent elections by one of the Somali politicians with whom he regularly deals. Frey’s main job is to illustrate to white Minnesotans and Americans in general why their culture must be abandoned and replaced with the blessings of Third World corruption. This family is small for now, but very dangerous.
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New YorkBoss: Chuck Schumer? Capos: Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, Zorhan Mamdani, Hakeem Jeffries
There is no family with more history or more current political power in Washington than New York, and yet it finds itself in chaos. Even with Chuckie “5 term” Schumer leading the Democrats in the Senate, and Hakeem “The Scheme” Jeffries leading the party in the House of Representatives, it is the younger Capos who are stepping into that power.
Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., and Senate Majority Leader Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., speak on Capitol Hill on August 3, 2025. (Kent Nishimura/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)
Alexandria “The Face” Ocasio-Cortez has assembled a socialist squad, led by recent mayor Zohran “Smiley” Mamdani, that is clouding the election left and right, even as Schumer and Jeffries try to protect their protégés like Dan “Rich Boy” Goldman from primary defeats. A major point of tension is Israel, which always makes money for its partners, but misleads the newcomers.
ChicagoBoss: Barack ObamaCapos: JB Pritzker, Rahm Emanuel
In normal times, Barack “Barry” Obama would be the national boss of bosses as a former two-term president, but his grip on the party appears to be waning these days. This is in large part because ‘Barry’s’ Chicago-style party has traditionally masked its far-left ambitions with a face of moderation. This is exactly what Rahm ‘The Suit’ Emanuel is trying to be. The problem is that party voters no longer want socialists in banker’s clothing, they just want a socialist.
Illinois Governor JB Pritzker has also previously put President Donald Trump in his proverbial crosshairs on social media. (Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images)
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This is exactly why we’re seeing JB “Double Cheeseburger” Pritzker make his move to national prominence by being a peg in President Donald Trump’s shoe whenever and wherever he can.
South Carolina Boss: James Clyburn
Despite the party’s shifting winds across the country, the South Carolina family, with its long-serving boss Jim “The Kingmaker” Clyburn, is still sticking to the old-fashioned rules and looking to expand its power.
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The Kingmaker wants his Palmetto State primary to eliminate Iowa and New Hampshire and become the party’s first in the country, giving his family, perhaps the most moderate of the five now, an even bigger voice in choosing the next one. capo dei capi to run to the White House with the party ticket.
House Majority Whip James Clyburn, a Democrat from South Carolina and chairman of the House Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Crisis, during a hearing in Washington, DC, US, on Thursday, June 23, 2022. The committee released a report this week on the impact a potential herd immunity strategy had on the Trump administration’s pandemic response policies. Photographer: Ting Shen/Bloomberg via Getty Images (Ting Shen/Bloomberg via Getty Images)
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Clyburn has already contained the presidential ambitions of socialist Bernie ‘The Mittens’ Sanders several times, but will he be able to stop the next generation of Sandernistas? Only time will tell, as they say.
Over the next two years, the Five Families will go to the mattresses to maintain their share in the national party. But only one will produce a presidential candidate with the chance to make American voters an offer they can’t refuse.
