For many, Christmas is a time of celebration, laughter and gathering of loved ones. But for others, it heightens the sadness of what could have been and brings back memories we’d like to forget. A season that promises peace may instead reveal our deepest pain.
Before starting Aunt Anne’s, I went through a period of darkness that I never thought I would escape. The loss of my 19-month-old daughter Angie created a hole in my heart that made it seem like joy would always be out of reach.
The darkness of grief can make it seem like all hope is lost. I kept wondering when and if I would ever be able to put myself together again. After my daughter’s death, I sought help from our pastor, but I was exploited and abused for seven years. My grief led me down a path of shame from which I believed there was no return. I found myself all alone in a world of secrets and darkness.
AT CHRISTMAS, GOD FULFILLS HIS PURPOSE – AND GIVES US OURS
God’s love was the turning point and light that brought me out of the tunnel of sorrow. His redemption brought me restorative healing and led me on the path to wellness. By confessing my story and secrets and trusting God, I was able to move forward and receive forgiveness from others, God, and even myself. Regardless of the lulls in my healing, after my first step into the realm of speaking the truth, I never fully went back to the dark place where I started.
A woman kneels in church and looks up at the sky with candles in the background. (istock)
While there is no quick fix for trauma and pain, it is possible to get better even after living with the pain for a long time. And deciding to get better doesn’t mean we’ll never experience the consequences of our pain again. My husband Jonas and I will never stop grieving the loss of our daughter, but the way we grieve has changed as we experience each new life without Angie, especially during the holidays.
I cannot explain all the mysteries of God. I am not a theologian. But I know what I’ve been through. In the midst of the worst mess imaginable, I found Him. And He was more loving and trustworthy than I ever knew. My connection with Him, and ultimately my connection with others, gave me the freedom to process my story and make confession and storytelling part of my continued journey.
That kind of authentic, understanding community can be lifesaving as we navigate the new normal of being healthy after grief. For too long I could only see the world through the dark lens of my pain. Slowly, every truth, every confession, every forgiveness, every step toward wholeness allowed a little more light into my life. It was in my pain that I found my purpose.
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When I begged God to take away my sadness and clean up the mess in my life, I never imagined that I would eventually find peace with all that pain. Over time, I stopped focusing on taking the pain away and started wondering what I could learn from it. And I discovered something much more wonderful than God lifting my pain. …I realized He could redeem it.
Salvation does not indicate perfection in any way. We learn nothing from perfection. Rather, redemption is what happens when the script changes and we can finally experience the beauty that is possible because of the pain, instead of Despite It. I could not have predicted how the pain that isolated me would later foster a deep sense of connection with God and other people. The secrets that once kept me isolated now force me to strive for a life of authenticity. The very story I was tempted to escape from has actually shaped me into someone who can make a difference in the world.
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Through the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus we are redeemed. This time of year serves as a poignant reminder of that redemption, the burden of our pain He bears and that grief is not something we have to face alone. It is impossible to understand all the tragedies in this world, yet it is possible to achieve some level of peace.
A time of joy during the holidays can easily turn into a world of pain when a loss is keenly felt and our hurt and pain seem insurmountable. When we let pain define us, we get stuck. When we try to solve it or prevent it, we end up disappointed. But when we begin to make peace with our pain, transformation finally becomes possible.
