America has always appreciated strength. From our soldiers and athletes to our business leaders and parents, we admire people who can keep them cool when life the heat appears. But here is a truth that we do not talk about enough: strength is not the absence of emotion: it is the ability to control it.
Too long we have equated the toughness to never show feelings. But holding emotions does not make us strong – it makes us brittle. True Grit means knowing how to use emotions such as anger, fear and sorrow, so that they feed perseverance instead of sabotaging it.
Real strength is under fire control
Research shows that emotions are not a choice – they are built into the human brain and body. Neuroscientist Jaak Pankseepp showed that “ceremotions” such as anger and fear are wired survival reactions. They help prevent our danger and are wise to ourselves. At UCLA, the research by psychologist Matthew Lieberman showed that naming emotions plays a role in emotional regulation. This small act soothes the threat reaction of the brain, which strengthens self -control.
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According to these researchers, emotional control is not about suppressing feelings; The point is to use them strategically. It is these skills that make good pilots stable, leaders decisive and fathers patient.
Perseverance helps to convert rough emotion into disciplined action. (Istock)
Take Richard, for example, a 45-year-old man who came to therapy for depression. As a child beaten as a child, Richard had anger to his father for the abuse he has endured. Without helping him to call his justified anger and work, Richard expressed his anger in actions. He bullyed other children; It was the only way he knew how to let go of steam.
Another former patient, Ben, got into trouble at work and took his emotions on his children. He shouted at them and criticized their mistakes. Under his anger I felt a deep sadness and fear, but his parents never taught him how to work because of these emotions, so they came out sideways.
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Both Ben and Richard had learned reports that pushed their emotions away, instead of dealing with them immediately. As a result, they had less self -control, no more.
Perseverance is emotional grit
Every American success story is powered by perseverance. And none of us can persist without emotional grit.
The Harvard Adult Development Study-De Longest-running study of flourishing the human-evidence that people who bloom do not avoid their feelings. Instead, they know how to regulate them and remain connected under stress.
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Discails, frustration and fear make people stop. Grit means knowing how to face those feelings, they have to manage and continue. Emotional skills are the backbone of perseverance.
The Change Triangle: a map for control
Although emotional intelligence helps us to thrive in every domain of life, society does not rest with education in emotions. I give a tool with the name The Change Triangle, a simple card for working with emotions. It shows us how we can go from hijacked by fear, shame or anger back to strength, clarity and tranquility.
When irritability rises, the change triangle helps us to ask: what is under? Fear? Sadness? Frustration? Once identified, we can solve these emotions by working through them, which enables us to respond with strategy instead of freak-outs.
Every American success story is powered by perseverance. And none of us can persist without emotional grit.
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It is a playbook for life – one that changes raw emotion into disciplined action.
Feed the American dream
The American dream has never been over convenience. It’s about building something great despite obstacles. Emotional control is the hidden fuel that helps us realize our dreams.
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- It ensures that the business owner drives on heavy neighborhoods.
- It helps the father to guide his children without losing his cool.
It gives young men the stability to build reputation on reliability, not on volatility.
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Despite what many of us have been raised to believe, emotions are not for SAPs, group cuddles or therapy visitors; They are about training the mind in the same way as we train the body. Just as we cancel weights to build muscles, we can work the change triangle to strengthen our emotional know -how.
Steel, no snowflakes
During difficult times, America no longer needs ‘snowflakes’. We need strong, resilient leaders, parents and helpers who can use the brilliant data that emotions offer. Anger tells us that we have been violated. Fear helps us to prevent real threats. Sadness helps us to mourn unbearable losses. This know -how does not weaken the human mind; It strengthens it. Tragedy and difficult times happen to us all, and it is the possibility to cope with these emotions that make us unbreakable.
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